This was the first question that came to mind early this morning. Today I realized how much my life has changed since I decided to take a leap of faith in May 2010. I remember how scary it was to make the decision to start a new life and change my entire inner world. To this day I can’t believe I was able to accomplish what I have accomplished given the amount of fear I lived under. I was afraid of everything even to live life and the saddest part is that I did not know that living in fear prevented me from being who I am and pursuing my true dreams. It all started when my parents left me when I was a toddler. Growing up not knowing who your parents are can be devastating to a child’s ability to trust and have confidence to live freely in this world. Looking back at my life, it is unfortunate that what I remember the most is pain and suffering and not the times when I felt I could be and do anything. The only time I remember being happy to be in this world as a child was when I was running through the cornfields in my grandparent’s farm. My friends and I used to pick the corn ears from the stalk and make dolls out of them by braiding the corn silk. Other times we would run to the windmill to get our corn ears roasted. But walking around the city streets with my two little friends in the rain and grabbing the butterflies as they rested on the plant leaves are by far my best childhood moments. It takes effort to remember the good times in our lives but if we look within they’re right underneath the sad memories.
In the last couple of years without knowing I have been facing all of my fears one by one. Today I can’t believe how much I have grown as a woman and as a person. I am no longer afraid of my memories or the experiences I’ve had to endured to be who I am today. I am not afraid of dying. I am not afraid of getting up and speaking in front of a large group of people, and I am not afraid of what I have experienced spiritually. It is a great feeling to find out for ourselves that there is nothing to fear in this life but fear itself and that God is pure goodness. It is also great to know that we have the power to choose what we want to live in this lifetime. Nothing we do or desire is dependent upon whether other people believe we deserve to fulfill our destiny or not. Everything about our lives depends on us and God. Our lives are between us and God. As long as we know what we desire and are willing to let go and let God show us the way and decide on the best outcome, we will get what we desire and we will be happy. We will still need to continue to grow and face obstacles but we will do it knowing that all the answers we seek are available to us if we are willing to trust God and ourselves in the process.
The whole purpose of our lives is to prove to ourselves how powerful we truly are without having to control anyone, tell anyone how to live their lives or fear that anyone has any kind of power over us.
Be fearless. Have the courage to take risks. Go where there are no guarantees. Get out of your comfort zone even if it means being uncomfortable. The road less traveled is sometimes fraught with barricades, bumps, and uncharted terrain. But it is on that road where your character is truly tested. Have the courage to accept that you’re not perfect, nothing is and no one is — and that’s OK.” – Katie Couric